Big emotions in young children tend to make adults uncomfortable. It’s understandable; they take us back to our own childhoods, to a time when we found something difficult or painful – memories most of us would like to avoid.

But as hard as it is to hear your child express their intense emotions, by allowing them to do so you are doing them a huge favour. Why?

We all have the right to express how we feel and have those feelings heard. Young children in particular need our support and patience when doing so because, unlike adults, their brains are not developed enough to allow them to control their feelings. You might wish they’d get a grip, but they just can’t.

In fact, the only way they can really ‘get a grip’ on their feelings is by fully expressing them. By letting out their upset fully they can process it fully, allowing the child to move on.

When a child feels that it’s not safe or acceptable to express their emotions they learn to fear and avoid them, and in doing so miss out on the opportunity to develop self-awareness and learn constructive coping mechanisms.

So how can we help children when they are upset?

l Respond, rather than react. Take a deep breath and tune in to your own emotional response. You can’t be calm in the face of your child’s upset if you are battling your own difficult feelings.

l Remember that it’s OK for children to feel how they feel, whether it’s sad, angry, frustrated, etc. No one can be happy all of the time!

l Be present and acknowledge their experience without trying to move them on or talk them out of it. This lets them know that it is safe to express their feelings, that their feelings are valid, and that they have been heard.

Helen Reeve

Co-founder of www.nurturekindergarten.com